All My Patients Have Tales by Jeff Wells

Author:Jeff Wells
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780312537395
Publisher: St. Martin's Publishing Group

Who’s the Boss?

Although most veterinary clinics have an owner or at least an office manager, the real boss doesn’t have a name on the sign out front, a big office, or a lot of framed certificates on the wall. But the real boss does get a private litter box.

Just about every practice has a mascot cat, and these lucky animals always act as if they are running the show. The feline in charge will often strut, tail straight in the air, through the exam room to check out the quality of patient care or leap onto the operating table to ruin the sterile surgery area. If the waiting room is filled with lowly canines, the cat may peruse the area, testing the strength of owners and their leashes. If bored with harassing the patrons, the feline will assume a supervisory position on the reception counter. This allows the animal to take on a public-relations role as well by generously giving human clients the opportunity to caress it while paying their bills.

The application for clinic cat is not a simple one. Most find their way into this position because they were strays that no one wanted or hard-luck cases that needed expensive medical treatment, and no one returned to pick them up. No matter how they end up at the office, they will eventually win the hearts of the humans and climb the corporate ladder quickly.

My favorite boss cat was a beautiful gray tabby appropriately named Beastie Cat. She was found on the crest of a nearby mountain pass, scrounging out an existence for herself and seven kittens. They were probably dumped off by someone who was disappointed when one feline pet became eight. This above-timberline environment was no place to be raising a family; small rodent meals were scarce and so was shelter, not to mention an abundance of wind, cold, and lightning storms. But Beastie Cat must have been quite a mountaineer and an innovative hunter because she and her family fared pretty well.

My boss was out on a Jeep ride when he stumbled upon the feline family, and they were more than willing to jump in with him. On their arrival at the clinic, they were treated as if they had checked into the spa at the Ritz. Everybody was bathed, brushed, and dewormed. Next they were treated to a daily buffet of gourmet cat food, and within two weeks, all signs of a tough lifestyle had fallen away. They were given full run of the clinic, which became a rumpus room for the kittens. Sliding across the linoleum floors and holding “fur ball” wrestling meets provided hours of entertainment for all of us. Christie didn’t enjoy their antics as much as the rest of us, since she got the job of maintaining the litter box, a task that got bigger by the day. As she said, with a scoop in one hand, “All they do is eat and . . .” Beastie Cat was not that amused with her kittens’ rambunctious behavior, either.

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